it is the work force issue, people close to the vote if they don't know how to read. so the kids know they have a chance to make it new-line for themselves. . .

into the earliest years of children being in a school setting where we can try to reach them the best. >> carol rasco is president and ceo of reading is fundamental. ms. rasco what is sure web site very quickly? >> r guy s.org. >> jane robinson as chief financial officer of first book and web site. >> first book.org. >> we thank you both for it being on booktv and talking about your reading commitment. >> thank you. >> this is booktv live

coverage from the 29th annual miami book fair. a full weekend of author panels, collins and other events ahead. here is our lineup for today. in just a minute day humor columnist will be talking about his most recent book, "lunatic" and he will be joined by seth reiss in will tracy of the onion, "the onion book of known knowledge" is their latest volume. after that, naomi wolf will be talking about her latest book. it's called "vagina" a new biography. after that we want change d.c. to lila weaver and argentinian immigrant in his shoes written a book about her experiences, growing up in the american south. darkroomdarkroom, and amar'e in black and white is what it is called. michael sandel will be talking about his book, what money can't buy and we will bring you to live. after that national book critics circle award winner edwidge danticat will be joining us for

her most recent book, so spoke the earth. she is a haitian-american and she writes mostly about those issues. in a couple of hours, lori andrews, hanna rosin and joan walsh will be on the same panel life from chapman hall in miami-dade college for the miami book fair takes place. lori andrews book is called social networks and the death of privacy and hanna rosin, the end of men at bestseller and we feature her on her "after words" program and by the way hanna rosin will be joining us for an exclusive facebook chat so if you go to facebook.com/booktv and lycos, you can ask her questions about her book. she will be joining us after her panel for an exclusive facebook chat. joan walsh's book is called what's the matter with white people? after that, kissinger associates had david rothkopf will be joining us to talk about his most recent book, power incorporated. his first book was called

superclass in another panel we will be covering includes candice millard writing about james garfield, david nassar writing about joseph kennedy and les standiford writing about samuel adams, patrick henry and john hancock. after that, thriller novelist brad meltzer will be joining us. is written a couple of non-fictions come his most recent heroes for my daughter. he also is the history channel host and you have probably seen him as well. we will conclude our coverage with a panel on christopher hitchens and his postmortem book, mortality. that panel will include his widow, carol blue, his publisher cary goldstein and two friends martin amis and robert while. after that carol blue will be joining us here at miami-dade college to take your tweets and facebook questions so there is another exclusive on line chance for you to talk with the widow of christopher hitchens. this is the 29th annual miami

book fair. about 100,000 people. this is a weeklong event and we kicked off last week with tom wolfe live from chapman hall but we are down here this weekend and will be live all weekend with 100,000 people attending this event every year. as well as about 350 authors are down here. it was founded by mitch kaplan, founder of books & books, a big bookstore down here in south florida. the c-span buses also here and we are handing out bookbags with our partners, comcast here in the miami area so if you happen to be in the area come on down. we are at miami-dade college on the northside of downtown miami. for the miami book fair. in just a minute, that panel at chapman hall at miami-dade college will be giving dave barry and the onion editors humor columnist all of them, will be introduced by brad

meltzer. he will be moderating a panel and will be joining us later. mitch kaplan will also be speaking and he is the founder the miami book fair. he will be introducing and opening the weekend coverage. in just a minute we will take you to chapman hall and you can see it's rather full for dave barry and all and we will be begetting our coverage very soon. we are live on booktv. [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations]

and. [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations]

[inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations]

[inaudible conversations] >> good morning. i had a little bit too much coffee this morning. it is a pleasure to see you. we are delighted to welcome you to the first session this saturday morning. how are you today? [applause] as you know, this is one of the most exciting times for us in the fall season in miami and we are thrilled with this morning's panel. first and foremost we would like to thank everyone who helped to make this event possible including our sponsors as well as blue florida and our volunteers. before we get started i would

like to ask everyone to please turn off your cell phones, anything that could generate noise that is not for the human body. if you would just take a moment to take care of that. turn those off too. that's right. i would like to take a moment to understand our -- introducer hosted a which is brad meltzer. you know him from the history channel and number one bestseller of the inner circle so please join me in introducing our host, brad meltzer. [applause] >> so i am going to make this easy. let me call these guys out so that they can be onstage. let's give them some applause first. [applause] seth reiss, will tracy and dave barry. i actually got them in order.

and when i was asked to introduce them i was very excited eco-'s first i will start with day. dave is one of my literary heroes. i'd are up here in miami and he was the first author i've are going to a book signing for and the only author before myself i would go to see. i don't care about anyone but myself, let's be clear in the first author i ever wrote a letter to an and the first author whoever wrote me back. and i was so excited to come here that i actually tracked down the letter that he wrote to me and i brought it. this is true. this is what dave barry wrote all these years ago and it says dear brad, one day you will be a best-selling author, but when that happens, i will be so old, because i am older than you. [laughter] i will always be older than you, so even when you go bald, the odds say that i will die first because i'm old. and old people die, especially

specially in miami. [laughter] i hate you, you young handsome guy. sincerely yours, dave and yes everyone knows that -- that's true. that's a real letter. everyone knows that dave won the pulitzer and the nobel peace prize in the silver night award. only dave is laughing at the silver night award joke. that is a killer job that apparently we know we have a new book called "lunatic" am which eco-road so he only had to do half the work and what i admire most about davis's ability to come here without his co-author whom he said i wasn't even allowed to name. it takes a real callous person to show up and drink all the glory from the literary punch bowl but dave is that man. [laughter] the same can be said of seth reiss and will tracy who wrote or edited or whatever that means, "the onion book of known knowledge." when i look up seth and well on

the internet there's almost nothing about them. really, which is saying something on the internet. seth wrote obituaries once and the comedy troop that is brilliant and it is really brilliant but for well who is the editor of the onion, seth is the head writer, says the first thing that will does in the morning is check twitter which really if that is all your life has to offer, really? he likes to read comics like a friend of mine which gives him points in my colin but it with a name like tracy and don't trust the man. so i looked at their books and these are from my shelf. i bought the onion book from my shelf and i realized this is the first book of the onion never put out. i own them and when i looked through them i realized, they are just greatest hits book, like this that berger stated from the onion into me that is him in the company of racist albums like the best of color me bad, the best of line melon, bruce willis, master series,

holland's greatest hits which is a great hits album which doesn't have -- so they just screw you so you have to buy another album. the greatest hits of problems have no soul. it makes it the literary equivalent of another live elton john album. why write something new? just sit down and and write rocket man. thank you for the effort, guys. i can't wait until you put it back in theaters, this time in 3-d. same with dave barry's book, dave barry's greatest hits, right? so the truth is, all kidding aside, there've hook is not a greatest hits book at all. it was just a joke i want to tell. they wrote this amazing site for pdf and you really should read it and dave's book, "lunatic" you really should read. these are the authors that i have on my shelf and dave this is the first hardcover book i

ever bought and seth and wills book, what the onion does it's next to bloom county in which is as much love as i can show to anything. to be clear there is no onion without dave barry. there really is and because that when we were all, no one made fun of real news so with that said without further ado subone, seth reiss and will tracy. [applause] >> the thank you so much. the onion would never write him back. folks, my name is will tracy and i'm the editor with seth reiss the editor of the onion. it is an encyclopedia for all the world's knowledge, anything in the world that exists in this book and even if it's not in the book it does not in fact exist.

>> dave barry's new book is not in this book. dave barry is not in the book so dave barry is a figment of our collective imagination. we wheeled him into existence in the power of the mines theater. so this book as i said it's an encyclopedia. are those who are not familiar with the onion, we are the most powerful media organization in the world. we were founded in 1756 by friedrich weibel a tuber farmer who traded a sack of beans for printing press and pounded the mercantile onion named after the only three words in english that he knew. since then we have gone on to become simply dominant. >> you can chime in. you don't have to just sit there. you can chime in anytime you want. >> please, i agree with him. you may think he was paid to say that and it backed he was paid

to say that because we control everything. we control television, radio, print. we print all of dave's books. essentially every book that is featured, but really the only book that you need anymore is the onion -- "the onion book of known knowledge." we are flabbergasted how humanity has been able to get why in the last 200,000 years without this book. they have just been stumbling around in a blind ignorant haysbert now that the book is out you can throw at every other book you own so don't bother going to any other event. essentially all you need is this. so actually, and dave you can chime in here too. [laughter] what do you people want to know? seriously. >> shout out a thing or a place. >> if you shouted out able being the book. just shout something out,

anyone. >> millard fillmore. my colleague will look up millard of millard fillmore. is very simple. go to the f section and by the way of re-entry in this book caused millions of dollars. each individual entry took around 30 to 40 years to write, research and edit. most did not live to see publication. >> here is millard fillmore. millard fillmore, 13th president of the united states who convinced the north and south to hold off on the civil war for 11 years by arguing it would be better for the whole country if the conflict were handled by future president abraham lincoln. [laughter] the last member of the whig party, fillmore saw early on the tensions between the rival factions were reaching a breaking point and he freely admitted in speeches that he was not the man to be in charge of the country about to enter a war that would be far bloodier than

world war i are handled a racial of people and reconstruction period to follow. patsies that would be better managed by quote big-time presidents with a proud stature of a teddy roosevelt or fdr. during his 1852 state of the union address bill maher famously said that the upcoming civil war was quote clearly lincoln's moment to shine and delivering the gettysburg address or freeing the slaves was quote as impossible to imagine as cps photos of me colored fillmore in the documentary of ken burns the civil war. [applause] >> the thank you so much. and correct me if i'm wrong and feel free to chime in anytime but it's something you'll find throughout the entire book. >> is there any other president that of people want to hear about? judy blume does not exists. anybody else?

we have a hand in the back. bill o'reilly. >> we and that you have a judy blume and tree. >> bloom, judy american writer whose books for teen audiences gave kids a life to be and with impunity. [laughter] carte blanche. >> bill o'reilly does not in fact exist, sorry. [inaudible] >> we have a need for some kind of miami called. >> as i am a thing so let's read the entry on miami. it's a miami thing. that terrifies me with that woman said. >> do you want to read its? it? it's on page 129 in your hymnal.

>> miami large american city of 2.5 million people located on the florida southern coast has been clean and sober going on six weeks now. [laughter] a center finance and trade miami will remain by the grace of god is substance free destination for millions americans every year. the spanish mission in 1567 miami spent every day since the haze of drugs and alcohol. the city barely recalls one of its most important including the 1836 construction of four dallas its incorporation in the city or the suburban sprawl of the past 50 years which is pretty much just a blur. i am a cleaned up for bid in the 1980s but after a sudden appearance of hurricane andrew and its result of $27 billion in damages the city went on a long cocaine bender. miami finally hit rock autumn with a real estate collapse in 2001 a trouble and nearly everyone he cared about it. still miami has a new outlook on life and it's just going to take it one day with the largest population in the united states at a time.

[laughter] >> dave perry. >> again he does not exist, madam. he is just a fantasy. you are mentally ill and diluted because that person is a figment of the imagination. >> but let's talk about writing. creative process of browsing the internet, drinking coffee, going out for a walk and. >> that is what writing is. [laughter] >> what the? i heard brosnan. do we have a croatian and not en's? >> let me find him. >> we have a team of researchers and they brought us well. winston churchill, small talking man deployed by great britain

during the second world war to talk to the british people during a period period of great that little talking person was periodically put in front of a microphone in the middle of parliament to chomp on a sigar and talk for a period of time to the british empire and make them feel better after which he would be placed in storage until another dramatic event happened and he was needed for more talk in. the successful deployment of it tiny boulder had a talking man is seen as having ruechel and defeating nazi germany in its own little talking span. >> also just looking at the entry for kitchen. it's another room contains more knives in this room, get out of that house. get out of that house ladies and gentlemen. that is good vice. i see a hand over there. george w. bush. he is in the book. >> let me find out. >> george w. bush is in the

book. >> the areas. 43rd president of the united states to receive the presidency as a gift for his 54th birthday from his parents, george and barbara. and the state of florida using his connections in the supreme court bush's father was able to pull a few strings of the last minute to give his strong -- some extravagant press in which the younger bush accepted despite his disappointment over not receiving a ford mustang. although bush who joined the parade hailed in his honor group order the oval office after a few months of his buddies orchestrate the military invasion of afghanistan to cheer him up and give was something to do. bush received a second presidential term is an early christmas present in 2004 not long after inheriting his father's old war. there are some interesting little facts about george w. bush that aren't main achievements. extended daylight savings time. biggest regret, never intended a

cabinet meeting. never once attended a cabinet meeting. big names, old mess up, old massive mess up, old huge pile of mess up and squirt. famous quote, i think there's a chance i'm not doing a very good job. during his second and not girl address. other things or people -- >> bail out. how about the economy? how about economy? let's find economy. oh boy, oh my god. see feel free to chime in david anytime you want. >> we are almost done and the dave barry show will begin very soon. >> economics, science of explaining where all the money

went. [laughter] the field of economics divided into two main categories, microeconomics which salmons why the money was here a minute ago but now it's not and macroeconomics which looks at the economy as a whole to determine how much that money could just be gone all of a sudden. economists use empirical evidence of intent to understand why what little money is left to is somehow worth a lot less now than it was before and analyze data to study why simply make a new money to replace the money that disappeared isn't really how it works. while some schools of economic thought hold the best course of action is to reject the idea that the money is really gone and carry on like nothing happened other theories argue that the only way to fix this is to ask the people with the most money to share with everyone else because a lot of people need money right now. economics is often used by governments to implement social policies such as accepting that money is never coming back and everybody had just better get

used to it. [laughter] [applause] >> bill clinton. let's do it. >> i will find bill clinton here. >> bill clinton, 42nd president of the united states whose popular appeal nearly provoked house republicans to impeach him for conduct in his personal life an impressive move that would have made a mockery of the u.s. u.s. constitution and was therefore quickly dismissed as a laughable waste of time. clinton the self-described new democrat and centrist use his ability to emphasize to voters across the political spectrum would have been the second president to face impeachment that leaders throughout his misheard act. they were also self-aware enough to realize their own marital infidelities would have tainted the arctic dubious legal proceedings with rank hypocrisy.

these considerations as well as the public sheer propulsion of the lot of tying up two branches of government for months and diverting millions of taxpayer dollars to a trial the public would unmask as a politically motivated ploy the house would allow americans to assess personal myth discretions for themselves. this noble gesture of restraint continue to inform the conduct of republicans to this day. [applause] on that note i would like to read the entry for homosexuality. sexual attraction between politically conservative or evangelical white males. homosexuality is characterized by wearing navy blue or gray suits with red ties, sql and church attendance and public annunciation of other. many outside authority can be found working as republican school board members, republican

activist, christian men's group leaders and republican legislators. prominent include roy ashburn former california state senator and activist and larry craig former u.s. senator from idaho, and activist and ted haggard evangelical pastor and activists. [applause] we will do a couple more. donald trump. donald trump might be in the book. >> we do have the entry for. [laughter] >> akin asked why we put it in there. >> any individual at a bar, party or other social function as having more fun than you. [laughter] they also include those who are dating attractive women, make more money than you or manage to handle everything life throws at them with composure. they often have great loving

families, use proper grammar, and about wines, exercise regularly, make wise financial decisions, donate to charities and read looks. people have their lives together in the onion world are asked holes. >> yes, at best. >> newt gingrich. that guy doesn't exists. lebron james. how about basketball? [laughter] or we can do michael jordan. would you like to hear michael jordan or basketball? let's do michael jordan. reid michael jordan. jordan, michael, gambling addict adults from neglectful parent pathologically competitive and beloved national hero who led the chicago bulls to championships titles in the 1990s. jordan, a horrible human being who can only derive happiness

from stepping on the throats of others inspired children and adults alike by leading the league in scoring 10 times and dunking from the free-throw line and a crew spanning 20 years racked up five awards, 14 all-star appearances multiple marital affairs, three children, hundreds of teammates who abort him, millions of dollars in gambling dead and millions of fans who worship the ground he walks on. the notorious was praised for his defense. [laughter] what's that collects woman. any woman? judy blume technically is a woman, folks. >> we did sexual reproduction. we could read that. let's read sexual reproduction. guys i will be honest, we messed up. hillary clinton is not in the book. she exists and we love her but we messed up.

another little insight. we turn the book and we thought we included every single president of the entry really set out to do that. turns out we forgot dwight d. eisenhower. >> that's right folks, we have millard fillmore. [laughter] but we don't have dwight d. eisenhower. >> with the book was printed an e-mail went out and said we forgot dwight d. eisenhower. who is a fairly important president. >> arguably more important than millard fillmore. >> i will read it. biological means by which men create other smaller man through the use of intermediary. [laughter] at the start of the process the man places as reproductive organ into a -- -- provided by the intermediary and traces the volume of genetic material into a receptacle. a tiny capsule accepts demands

the na and holding shaped area with the intermediary of midsection. prior to the intermediary promises to alert the progenitor when the little man is ready. the man that enters a period are preparing for the new man's arrival by working, being sleeping and socializing to relieve stress. when this interval has passed the intermediary informs the man of the new little man's -- in some cases the intermediary malfunctions and accident late trains a new little intermediary. we don't feel this way in real life. [laughter] yes, we do. one more. do we have "fox news"? >> we have american civil war. [laughter] so do you want to read american civil war? >> we also have rupert murdoch.

>> read rupert murdoch. >> rupert murdoch, strolling born american media mogul who despite being a redeemable piece of human trash is smiling in this picture for some reason. >> we also have arson. term used when setting a flame gets -- by meddling police. there is one more and then we are done. yes, back there. >> health insurance? >> we must have insurance in there, right? >> there is hitler. >> did you say hitler? >> we do have insurance, regular fee paid to accompany to ensure that in the event of damage, illness loss or death the company will withhold payment. [laughter] >> i think we should turn it over to dave barry.

thank you so much for listening to us. [applause] we will have questions later. spam going to stand over here because it's further from seth and will. was great. one more time. >> thank you very much. >> i am a huge fan of the onion and i always have been. want non-flow toilet which is -- the. [laughter] it's true. >> i don't know, i advocated the death penalty for whoever's responsible or making the switch to low flow toilets in this country. young folks know we had great toilets in this country at one time.

we could down a mature shade. we had that capability and now we have the toilet you have to flush 18 times to get a ping-pong ball to go down. you are seeing a ping-pong -- ping-pong ball in your commode you should see a doctor. we have one big old-fashioned toilet in which you can pry out, whatever you call that quote and that is the one that's copies of the onion are. when we need a big toilet that is the one we go to. do you know what i'm saying? anyway just to schedule now, the next author following us is naomi was on "vagina." let's bring her out right now. what do you say? [laughter] >> the intermediary. >> first things first. i don't know if you have heard, they did finish counting the

votes. [laughter] [applause] and according to the official final florida total, barack obama did when the state of florida narrowly edging out al gore. [laughter] another proud moment for our state, our straight motto is florida, you can't spell it without the -- duh. actually if you go to the dade county election bureau official web site and it says election ready. it does. it says those words again, and doesn't almost seem impossible that this could happen? it was 12 years ago and everybody remembers 2000 where a lot of floridians could not figure out which hole, remember because there were arrows on the

ballot and if you drive the arrows are a very confusing concept. to the people of florida. if you are in a left turn lane with an arrow on it, pointing left and you are behind your cards, usually two people in a 1998 hewitt -- [laughter] there is an arrow pointing left and the light changes and there is a green arrow pointing left. in the lane they light usually says left turn. >> debut have to wait a couple of -- a couple of cycles. so what i wanted to do and i was hoping we would do is to make it more friendly for florida voters. instead of using words on the ballot, pictures.

of the candidates on the ballot. you would vote by poking out your candidates eyeball. [laughter] although what would happen is they would poke out their own eyeball. anyway, that was really long. he said the ballot this year was really long and the questions are written by lawyers from mars. but first it was in english and then it was in spanish and then it was and creole and klingon and by the time you get there you have to go back, what was that the question again the? that is why the ballot is so long. anyway my proposal is that we should not have electoral votes any more. we can still have the elections but no electoral votes. we should give our electoral votes to some responsible party like montana, someone who is never screwed up an election or

belgium, someone who needs both good at ours. that is one. the other question i wanted to bring up before i get to my book, speaking of problems in south florida, raise your hand, would anybody here like to play for the marlins next year? [laughter] because they need people. they have nobody left. a show of hands, has anybody not had with david petraeus? nobody, bigger than we thought, man. anyway it's good to be back at the miami book fair, the best book fair in the united states. it really is. [applause] i am here to talk about two books. i am not sure really why i am here. i had a book come out last

january called "lunatic" and as a book coming out this january which you cannot buy now called insane city which is about miami. they are both based on reality sort of. "lunatic" is a book i wrote with allen slidell, a great author and one of the original writers of saturday night live and probably has one of the biggest heads i've ever seen on a human being. not if that is really relevant but if you were here you would be amazed. anyway, we decided to write a book about soccer parents. that was the genesis of it. i'm a parent. my daughter sophie play soccer down here and she has been playing since she was four years old. she didn't actually touch the ball and till she was six. if you have been a parent through the early ages, your job as a parent is two things. you could say kick the ball, because they don't remember that. [laughter] they kind of know that is the

idea that they forget it. kick the ball and then when they kicked the ball your other job is to say no, the other way, the other way. my daughter sophie is now 12 and she started resting soccer games for four years old in five and 5-year-old kids, tiny kids who could reach down and touched touch the ball without bending over. she rests and i get to watch this process all over again of the parents yelling at the kids. sofie rafts the game in the first game i saw her rest, it was all girls on both sides and one team wear pink jerseys and one wore a darker shade of pink jerseys. [laughter] the pink girls against the paying girls and here's the quality of soccer they were playing. at one point during the game, all of one team left the field. it's never clear why they do those things. they just do. they are running off of fields of the other team is alone on the field with the ball and

there was a goal. the parents, true story. that parents are like, get the ball, get the ball and there was literally a minute went by when no one was on the field except this one pink team and they did not score at all. they didn't even get closer to the goal. they move the ball around a little bit. it reminds me of the diagram of the egg with a million around it. everybody is kicking it but it's not going anywhere. but anyway, it's like the dolphins to be honest. [laughter] anyway, the other thing that you learn watching these games is a lot of parents can be idiots. so what got us going in the book "lunatic" is that you would have a guy who was reffing and

another guy who was a parent who objected to a call that the referee had made and i got into sort of an argument. the kids don't care but the parents cared deeply and they get into this big argument. they don't ever want to see each other again because they don't like each other and that they keep running into each other and during the course of that afternoon, fate would bring them together over and over again. about 12 hours of their first meeting they have a series of events that are perfectly plausible, accidental hijacked, closing optional crews ship. as so often happens in youth soccer. so i guess what i'm saying is it's not an entirely realistic plot. the way we wrote it was allen rewrite a chapter and i would write a chapter and it quickly became like instead of working

on some goal just like oh yeah, deal with this. [laughter] and i warn you when you read it won't be the most realistic plot and you will have a lot of bad words in it though. the other book i want to talk about briefly and then we will take your questions because we are good at that. insane city which is a novel that i wrote by myself without any help from anyone. [applause] >> thank you. it is coming out in january and it's about a wedding set in miami. people from out of town come to have a wedding in key biscayne. many things go wrong in almost all these things go wrong because they picked miami as the city to hold this wedding. i'm a big defender of miami and i always have been.

-- in 1986 from the united states. [laughter] but i defend the city. i even thought of a motto for the city, because people are afraid of miami. come back to miami, we were not shooting at you. [laughter] it's a fabulous place to be a fiction writer. carl hyson had the best line ever about miami. he said if you want to be a novelist in miami you don't need an imagination. you just needed subscription to the "miami herald." i want you to consider some recent true events in miami. a guy eats another guy's face on the causeway. a person goes to jail for allegedly injecting -- into other peoples bottoms and getting paid to do that. [laughter] a guy dies and a cockroach being

contest when the first prize was a snake. those things all happened in the past year in your city, in miami, and i'm not even -- i don't know if your member of this, there was a crimewatch in homestead florida. the chief of police named curt ivy was explaining how the business crimewatch is supposed to work. is going really well, nice neighborhood and the chief of police is almost killed by a bailiff cocaine falling from the sky. [laughter] it was a smugglers plane coming from the bahamas intercepted by a custom service jet and they are flinging out the cocaine as fast as they could and almost killed the chief of police of homestead. that would not happen in cleveland, would it? [laughter]

and three years ago they stopped the 72-year-old man driving a chevrolet cobalt which doesn't sound so bad. is the 72-year-old man and driving a cobalt. here's where they stopped him. runway nine of the miami international airport. [laughter] it's absolutely true. this man without realizing it burst through the perimeter gate and is on the tarmac when they stopped him. is there a problem officer? i don't know about you but if i'm driving and i see that i'm in the same lane as a 757 -- [laughter] i am probably going to say i'm not unless you know it any more. the weird thing about that is coming i am in that airport all the time and i cant near -- get near a plane there was shampoo.

[laughter] he got there with a cobalt. it was one of those clear one quart resealable things. it's about a wedding that goes horribly wrong and among other things of all things that could happen, the groom when he gets there he goes to the backs of party and loses his wedding ring and ends up in the possession of an orangutan named trevor. it's pretty hard-core realism. its gritty urban realism. everything that happens in the book happens in miami because this is a great place to write looks about, right fiction about and it's also one of the reasons why this is such a great oak fair. people think, people are so surprised that we have a big oak fair in miami because they think we are all degenerates. and we are, but we read.

[laughter] anyway, those are the two books and i think what would be good now, i will sit down with seth and will and we will take your questions. all three of us will feel free to chime in. does that sound good? [applause] you are supposed to go to this microphone here in the middle. >> hi guys. by the way the onion did a great job with the political coverage. >> thank you so much. >> we worked very hard. very amused whoever did the onion political feed. >> thank you dave for running that. and thank you for starting the onion. >> your writing has been -- so a

question before the onion, how hard is it for you guys to stay even just a shade partisan when politics becomes so incredibly divisive? there is obviously a particular way that you guys lean but you guys to say the least but leaning towards the middle. >> absolutely. we lean toward where the money is, wherever that is. i'm leaning in that direction. >> really it's acting like an idiot and if more people on one side are acting like an idiot than the other side than you make fun of those people. >> it's not so much about the actual politicians or parties but about the media that is covering the political scene and the media's comment on it and how that is so absurd. sometimes it's not directly

commenting on the coverage itself. >> you have to think, people say we don't make fun of barack obama. we totally do. i think it's just an idea that somebody got in their head. >> we just don't print it. >> we have largely conjured it to making jill biden the national laughingstock. there are so much biden seth. >> we like joe biden but we certainly have hit both parties and again, it's more just taking a step back and making a comment about the lunacy of the entire thing. >> dave, hey. how do you feel about tv shows and movies like -- i love that movie. >> it was a great deal of money. i have got to be honest it's

awkward and comfortable for me because i'm used to having complete control of every word in everything and you don't have any control over anything. they give you money which is the good part but then it ends up being about a horse in world war i. you don't know what they're going to do. >> that sounds kind of grade actually. >> so, you know what people say they like it i say that's great because i wrote the book it was based on but a lot of people hated. then i say i had nothing to do at that. >> i loved the book. >> okay, good. thank you. >> hi. i am with a group of 85 of us in naples and so it's great to hear you guys. >> we don't see anybody with you. [laughter] a delusional woman. look at them all, hi 85 of you.

>> the conservative part of florida so it's great fun to be here. anyway i just wanted to say, what happened to the band? we love that band. [applause] you are referring to the rock on rangers -- the rock autumn remainders. [applause] those people applauding have never actually heard them. it anyway, it's a rock band and we played for many years and we have great memories. our founder died this past year. we were kind of getting to the point where it has been 20 years and they wanted to kind of wrap it up anyway and it seemed like without kathy abbas and the same. it was a wonderful memorial about cathy in the program if you want to read it and see a

picture of cathy. behind her there is a huge head and that is allen slidell, really in that picture. i didn't mean to bring everybody down. it was a wonderful thing and we had a great time but i think they be next year we will get some incarnation of the remainders back, just because we are kind of poor. [applause] but for now we are just going to remember cathy. >> this guy has an onion t-shirt. are they for sale? >> my question is for dave barry. [laughter] >> can we buy these on the internet or something? [laughter] >> i will and to say how much i appreciate the book, "the onion book of known knowledge." >> that's my father by the way. >> i thought i would is educated until i read this. how do you pronounce the letter

which means w? >> just in case people might not understand what you're talking about there are 27 letters in the english alphabet. there is a letter after thee and we have seen it before. it is pronounced, it says right here, sounded by sliding the tongue along the pallet pass the teeth in and back again to form a soft or hard duplicative depending on the usage. >> so there you go. just to shed a little more light, we thought it would be really fun to create a fake letter for this book. why not? there are five full pages devoted to johnson's. this book goes into wacko land. >> so close to the other parts of the book. >> they are very serious. is no laughing matter. the invisible person has the

western? [laughter] are there any other questions? >> there we go. sprint. , on. [laughter] >> i do love the onion but this question is for dave. i read dave barry 20 years ago so two things. one, did they really pay you to have a vacation so you could write a book about it and two, how tall are you because i always wanted to be the tallest person in the room. if i went to japan i was wondering if i would have -- >> first of all they did pay me to write the book. yeah. that is kind of how it works in the book business. but yes they gave me money.

i know that it's weird. >> you were going on vacation and he said hey have fun. >> i was trying to describe what it was like to go to japan as opposed to learning facts about japan. the other thing is, a little bit taller than you i am so if i were in the room with you you would not be the tallest person because i'm taller than you. >> i will have to leave you hear. >> we have time for one more question. >> i did and want you to stop talking because you are hilarious. to have anything in there about legalizing marijuana? >> are you saying it's not legal? sense when? i think that's it. on that note. >> that's a great note to end on. thank you so much everyone. [applause]

>> thank you, thank you. just a few housekeeping matters. the authors will be in the green autographing area if you're interested in getting your books autographed. we have another take to defend in this room if you are friend of affair with a priority pass and a ticket. please stay in the room. otherwise would ask that you exit and again we want to thank florida blue target and american airlines as well as friends of the fair. have a wonderful afternoon. ♪ ♪ ..

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>> host: you're watching the booktv live coverage of the miami book fair international held of the campus of miami-dade college. we're calling dave barry live over to the signing gary and watch him sign books and listening in on that conversation. it will be live. they'll be wolf is up next with her book then we will introduce you to the next guest. we have a full schedule of events you can go to book tv's.org.

you will have exclusive facebook chats federal ready posted. you can go to the facebook page facebook.com/booktv you can make comments and the authors will be participating for now let's watch dave barry as the science books -- signs that his books. [inaudible conversations]

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>> i read about it. my daughter is a producer of four weddings. [inaudible conversations]

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list. >> that is a great pitcher. can i get a copy of that? if i give you an e-mail address? >> on the back? >> i love the picture. [inaudible conversations]

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[inaudible conversations] >> what do call that? you were looking a while. [laughter] -- away

[inaudible conversations] >> host: you're watching the live coverage from miami. dave barry co-author of looted deck is saving his books and we're watching him after his presentation. we will continue to do that. in 10 minutes available for has a new book and will be discussing that at miami-dade college. just a reminder we have a full day of coverage and tomorrow will be live as well. and 2.out one more thing that is our online presence with exclusive author chats on facebook.com/booktv.

a duquesne post comments now for the after words program with tucker carlson. she will be talk being ahead of time to get it in an idea of what she is talking about. tomorrow david will be joining us. we preview the book back in june when it was first three least the first half of dade to volume biography two mou document part of his research he will be on a panel tomorrow then joining us for live exclusive

facebook chats. and the little later there is a panel on christopher hichens postmortem book mortality. and carried goldstein is editor and publisher that will be participating but joining booktv for an exclusive on-line chat you can make facebook comments as well. again they'll be wolf did 10 minutes. let's go back to dave barry as he signs his books.

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>> i did not know. [laughter] this is for my daughter. i read you for many, many years

[inaudible conversations] with the super bowl in miami it was all about the super bowl. >> not really. your father-in-law that i

was a dean. >> that is what he wanted to do [inaudible conversations]

>> it was great. it was a great turnout. it is from my alma mater. i majored in music during. i recognize a couple professors' pro -- .

[inaudible conversations] >> actually i would be interested.

>> how war you? -- how are you? [inaudible conversations]

[inaudible conversations] >> yes. it is always the weekend

before this. >> said in the mail. -- said that the male. >> good luck. [inaudible conversations]

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>> you have been watching humor columnist dave barry citing his most recent book lunatic at the miami book fair international. we have live coverage from the 2019 annual book fair and we will go back to the big events are held that chapman hall and it is starting to fill up four naomi wolf who has a new book out she will discuss that and about one minute and we will bring you live coverage of that. as a reminder all day long we will talk with authors we will assize our social media features. we have launched our facebook page.

you can send e-mails and tweaks and now we go into chapman hall for daily wealth -- naomi wolf [inaudible conversations]

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the. >> good morning. good morning. welcome to the 2019 annual miami international book fair. i am deed of the honors college and i am delighted to welcome you to this session. first in four rows read want to thank our corporate sponsors for the blue targets and of american airlines our friends of the affair. this session includes noted author naomi wolf. once she is done there will be q&a then a book signing

past the elevator. we will have adequate time for that. at this time please turn off your cellphones as well as any other electronic devices that can make noise is. please take a moment to turn off your cellphone. we have a few words of introduction from the vice president for programs for the arts foundation. [applause] >> good morning. greetings. thank you for coming. welcome to a special presentation from best-selling of 39. our web like to think midcap one and of the miami book fair. [applause] and it is incredible. they give us the opportunity to tell us why have a 99

means so much to you of art. more than 30 years to divide the next support being generation of artists to some poor talented writers and the individual, literary and performing arts. with life changing experience with mentors such as baryshnikov, a jones, placido day bingo, the faulty, soon naomi wolf. [laughter] none are as has honored with the 16,000 with monetary awards with $100 million of college scholarship options. [applause] >> in four the country's highest honor for high-school seniors rihanna

to say naomi wolf is among those that when she was 18 years old ricky pez for her most of outstanding talent as a writer she was invited to come for artistic development experiences for one week. the highest achievement possible in the program at the time we are very proud and feel privileged to have her as our alumni family. thank you. [applause] >> now why would introduce you to a professor who has been here 39 years. he is a friend of the book fair beginning with the first one. please help me to loathsome professor irene.

>> good morning. it is nice to see you here. when they saw the name "vagina" they immediately thought of me because i have been teaching human sexuality here at on campus since 1974. i was pleased that they thought of me. [laughter] when i began teaching the course "vagina" click taurus, but the nests of the those words were not allowed. my glasses filled immediately with men and women. everyone was glad to know there was academic research about sexuality -- human sexuality and the administrators were glad to know that because they were worried about running the course especially the movies i showed i was delighted to

be asked to introduce naomi wolf she is a spokesperson for the feminist movement. there are all kinds of voices we have to be open to those various voices born in san francisco did spend time in miami. she was an elementary school when i started teaching human sexuality so that torches' carry-forward with academic research and human sexuality. a graduate of yale and rhodes scholar at oxford she mentions the political

connection and after the election i heard people saying that the women of america elected barack obama. [applause] i am sure she will get into the political. without further ado it is my pleasure to introduce naomi wolf. [applause] >> thank you so much. is such an honor an unhappy experience to be here for so many reasons. one represents the side tried to carry on the tradition that has been pioneered by other women at that moment when them is the first began to speak courageously about sexuality

which has been called the sexual revolution. it is surprising to me to find that anyone would consider a powering women and men with more information about what makes the blended happy is not a fam -- feminist task. >> this is of my life is like these days. can you hear me if i walk around like this? american publishers and authors their books in big cardboard boxes with the title in giant letters outside the box. i live in new york. a recently walked through my body and my door man was

waiting with a look of consternation on his face. and getting used to say the word "vagina" "vagina" "vagina" in public. i knew it was important to tell the story. as we mentioned we're 40 years into the sexual revolution. in sparc -- is fighting vipers sexualize coulter about the bill sexuality every magazine and a biography available 24/7 we been i not that sexually happy as they deserve to be. 30% of women say they don't reach orgasm regulate and define that as a problem for them.

and another 30% report low libido they are not interested and that that is a problem for them. what is going on? i was very surprised to learn from the research that i did with "vagina" a new biography" our idea or understanding of the bill so shrouded the is 40 years out today. in the '80s a moratorium was placed on funding for human sexuality. what is not so great is the operating with his compensation of the male arousal and how they reach orgasm.

one of the most basic misconceptions and why this is important aside from pleasure, that men and women sexual responses are the same. arousal, plateau, the climax, resolution. but the latest data show that men and women are really, really different in important ways. it has to do with the nature of the varo wiring itself. are these on? if i put this down? if you look at the beautiful medical illustrations you

will see there are nerves coming out that wrap around the p this -- penis and i also said "vagina" on c-span makes me happy with the election that was lost because all of the nonsense about pushing women back with their sexuality many years. there is said grid of nerves around the penis that while men are very different and have different feelings, what makes them happy with physiological terms of their uniform. so in contrast i like to joke it is a map of new york.

of town or downtown. look at the parallel medical illustrations for the female public integration use sees something incredible look at the page and in my book. imagine a tangle of beautiful christmas lights eight or nine that tangles of nerves. our understanding is so limited but we know that one said that stimulates the clitoris the other is the mouth of the cervix there's a new sexual center that has been identified also the walls of the vagina also at

the premium. if you have had a child you may have had the episiotomy that is the standard process to cut through asexual center and women. also the anus. it is just like mardi gras. it is a festival. [laughter] every single women's wiring is different. we have so many options how they respond. my girlfriend likes this come i don't like that some women like oral sex but they have so many judgments it may not the cultural or what your rabbi or priest or nine told you and third grade but that variations of your wiring.

so every woman should turn herself attentively and lovingly and anyone else who wants to love a woman. to know they need to learn her. another incredible difference that is very stop the presses, what happens to the female brain with arousal and orgasm. those discoveries are about the brain/vagina connection. many critics free doubt but to put it into context medical science has established there is a brain hard connection -- brain/heart connection on cardiac health

there is a brain isolation test than the connection. medical science has documented of brain/uterus connection but i reported on my book misconceptions. and the bowl of stress and relaxation of the successful delivery. studies confirm that male sexuality is strictly related to mail well-being and women suffer from issues and has or there overall cents of well-being. so it should not surprise us even though we've learned new things about ourselves. one of the most amazing things is that when a woman

is supported to know about her arousal to think about sexual pleasure to anticipate sexual pleasure in releases dopamine and her brain. with the neurotransmitter. i called it the. [inaudible] dopamine raises your assertiveness level and makes you more motivated, focus, a talkative, trust your own judgment. just like cocaine. shy people become gregarious and you think you can accomplish a lot of things. to be the insight of dopamine how pleasure raises the neurotransmitter in women to make them less easy

to use the board of a and control and put down. pleasure makes women more likely to stand up for themselves that explain say mr. i have been struggling with my entire life why had the vagina and female desire and sexuality targeted, derided, demeaned or mutilated 5,000 years? this is why. if you target the vagina for support the bill sexuality use support women's assertiveness. when a woman has an orgasm it boost the oxytocin which is about the intimacy and connection. my reading of the incredible

cocktail is that the male desire and sexuality that this treated as the meeting making them less actually raises women's power and effectiveness in the world and should not be mocked. another amazing thing is the role of the it autonomic nervous system i am very aware i have an expert in the room so to use the word vagina i am using it medically inaccurate leave. i am using it but the languages very antiquated.

anus, it clitoris clitoris, vagina, what does a woman need to reach the high level of arousal? i am losing a lot of people. i am a little anxious. [laughter] this is not a sexy term. it is a very sexy reality for their lovers to understand. it is the regulator of your body is processes when you start to get aroused it sends the blood throughout your body to make your skin more sensitive comment touch feels better and sends blood to the labia and the

clitoris becomes erect and gives lubrication in preparation. so when the female autonomic nervous system this allows a woman to have the kind of forecast of that she deserves to have. what stops the mail arousal? pain. fee year. strasbourg go you are complete the right. it will stop it right there. if your husband your girlfriend or wife asks at 7:00 in the morning and wants to make love the 7:00

at night you are not withholding if you cannot just switch because of the mind body connection is so strong. this is a very feminist take away. it is not negative that all. it means we are allowed to expect more if you want a woman to enthusiastically make love to you for the rest of her life you need to be nice to her. [laughter] and partner with her a round of applause 85 the way i like to summarize is somebody was joking about the male viagra from the pharmaceutical companies i

said it is a good conversation to help with the dishes. [laughter] [applause] so the beautiful mind body connection, have pay for their ball side as well. because to target the vagina you target the brain. news audience confirms that rape and sexual abuse that are still treated in our culture if you're not beaten up in strangers it is not violent. just like legitimate rate in the election cycle. data shows there is no such thing as non violent rape. what happens is fear and it

is the year from any kind that changes the female brain and body years after the fact. extraordinary data from the university of texas that show women decades after day quote-unquote non violent assaults showed changes of the autonomic nervous systems respond, restoration, heart rate to watching erotic video compared to the control group. other researchers have recognized there are constellations of symptoms like balance problems, 10 i guess, with been more easily

pushed over physically. that this seeming unrelated this directly related rather than those that have a higher rate of sexual assaults than those of the control group. so great stays in the brain and in the body. it is an important message it is important to understand the science and the boulder ability of the brain as/vagina connection one abuse or assaulted to empower those who prosecute rate this to have this be treated as a vicious violent crime that it is. . .